Entries from December 2005 ↓

Time passes, and minds start wandering.
If Chappelle doesn’t get his act together, I might have to listen to this Gilbert Gottfried disc that someone got me.
Just the thought of it conjures up Problem Child halucinations.
Oh, the horror.

Any suggestions for great comedy cds or dvds? I’ve worn out the Hicks, Pryor, Allen, Cross, Black, and Carlin cds. You know it’s bad when a guy who can’t remember his own phone number but can do whole Carlin bits word for word, beat for beat.

Pretty much any gift giving occassion, finds a least a few new books for me to consume. When I was about eleven or twelve, armloads of wrapped Stephen King paperbacks through off the balance of having read everything on my bookshelf. Fifteen years later, any chances of catching up on my reading would involve mandatory bedrest for at least a year and a half.

Thankfully, this holiday season only two books made it under the tree:

Book One by Chip Kidd

Hell’s Angels by Hunter S. Thompson

As it turns out, I’m not alone in this battle. Also,wrestling with this conundrum—the great Joe Queenan.

I do not avoid books like “Accordion Man” or “Elwood’s Blues” merely because I believe that life is too short. Even if life were not too short, it would still be too short to read anything by Dan Aykroyd. And I am sure I am not alone when I state that cavalierly foisting unsolicited reading material upon book lovers is like buying underwear for people you hardly know.

Hope everyone enjoys the holidays.

There had to be someone other than all those flag and commerative plate companies to profit off of 9/11.

She has already risked Osama’s wrath by declaring her ambitions to launch a pop career. But that was nothing compared with her decision to appear in a photoshoot for the January edition of American GQ magazine.

Give it time, her pop career could earn our wrath too.

Please, please Meet The LeBrons—because you think you know LeBron, but you don’t. Just make sure you watch the T.V. spots, almost makes you miss those Hare Jordan days.

“Don’t you wanna dance?” Prithi asked Shaq, alone at their table.
Shaq said:

“I’m a lover, not a dancer.”

A few weeks back we had a call for athlete run-ins. The good folks over at Deadspin seem to have had the same idea and got a tremendous response. None of the posts fail to entertain but a true highlight that can’t be missed: When Shaq Wants Your Girl. A little long winded, but a great narrative drives a situation that could paralyze most fans with this conflict of interest.

May Pang reveals the John Lennon, Yoko doesn’t want you to know.

“Yoko said, ‘I want you to go out with him, I know you’ll treat him nicely, I know you’ll take care of him.’ It was more like I should go out with him, I needed a boyfriend. That’s what she said to me, and I was like, ‘No, I don’t!’ It wasn’t something that I wanted. I had already been with them for three years, so it wasn’t like I was after this man. I knew what they were like morning and night; the last thing I wanted was him as my boyfriend!”

First Hunter S. Thompson left us, now it’s Richard Pryor. He died yesterday of a heart attack. As bad of shape as he had been in the last few years it’s sad to see yet another brilliant mind gone.

Also, if you haven’t seen The Bat-Man: Robin’s Big Date, staring Sam Rockwell, take a peek, it’s well worth it.

There’s a growing rift between David Cross and Larry the Cable Guy. The pinching and eye poking began in a Rolling Stone piece and continues in Git-R-Done, the new 288pg transcript, I mean book, that every fucking comic seems to release once they get a large enough mainstream audience. For those indecisive buyers still straddling the fence here’s a bit from the book jacket:

Git-R-Done is chock-full of fart jokes and straight talk about America. I sat down one day and said to myself, “Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do?” Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do.

Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything.

My own beef with Mr. Git-R-Done stems from the fact that he only makes my job harder. There’re already more than enough people who think cable guys are drooling mongoloids. But, it’s the number of customers who’ve seen my bug-eyed response to their request to put a cable outlet in an upstairs balcony of their vaulted ceiling home that slap me on the back and say “I don’t care what it costs. Just ‘Git-R-Done’, right? ”

But this isn’t about me.

The open letter David Cross composed speaks for anybody who’s had to sit through a Blue Collar Comedy night and just resided themselves to silence.

Okay, here’s what I said in the RS interview: “He’s good at what he does. It’s a lot of anti-gay, racist humor—which people like in America – all couched in ‘I’m telling it like it is.’ He’s in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I’m-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That’s where we are as a nation now. We’re in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride.”