While researching his new book Company, Max Barry compiled lots of stories of corporate shenanigans. So, just in case you forgot how worthless you were, here are Tales of Coporate Oppression.
Entries from January 2006 ↓
Exposing Cruel and Unusual Workplaces, Since 2005
January 31st, 2006 — Embedded In America
Odds and Ends
January 30th, 2006 — Embedded In America
Having met Alex Robinson at this year’s Chicago Comic Con and being a sucker for indy comic creators, especially those who offer to personalize your purchase with a nifty sketch, it took little prodding to part with a wad of cash for both of his books. However, I’m embarassed to say Tricked and Box Office Poision are still sitting on my shelf staring back at me. If you haven’t been worked over by Robinson yet give his work a chance, it sure looks good. And, he also sounds like he’d fit in well around here.
I’m also a pessimist by nature, so I have a hard time accepting good fortune. My wife gets very frustrated, because I don’t read any reviews, good or bad. It just makes me too self-conscious. I’m happy and astonished that the book has sold as well as it has, and that people seem to be enjoying it. See? Even then I said “seem” to be enjoying it, as if I don’t really believe it.
Also, in completely unrelated news, Will Leitch, former editor of the Black Table talks about his new project—Deadspin.com, an outsider’s inside look into the world of sports. And, probably one of the only places where you might find some L.T. gossip.
“People are buzzing about Lawrence Taylor’s bizarre behavior at Prime 112 last week. He reached for a bottle from the wrong table, approached Michael Jordan’s table and loudly yelled, “Ladies and gentleman, Michael Jordan!” An embarrassed Jordan put his head in his hands. Charles Oakley tried to settle down L.T.
Some of The Events Described Happened As Related, Others Were Expanded and Changed…
January 27th, 2006 — Shoot the Messenger
Tomorrow on Oprah:
Oprah confronts the author(s) of the Old and New Testament of the Holy Bible. Is it a memoir or work of fiction? Did God really create the world in 6 days and who was around to keep track? Did two people really populate the earth? Did Moses really wander the desert for 40 years or did it just feel like 40 years? Was Jesus really the Son of God? Was he born to a virgin mother or was that just thrown in to keep future generations of women out of the backseats of cars?
We feel duped and we want some answers!
My, my Oprah, you have done it again. Saving us all from the lies of a former drug and alcohol addict who turned his life into two best selling memoirs and thanks to you his name is on the tips of everyone’s’ tongues. With that kind of empowerment, we surely won’t fall victim to the painful lies of writers anymore.
Thursday’s public beating of A Million Little Pieces author James Frey proved what Oprah doesn’t know about books, she makes up for in business savvy. This televised public humiliation didn’t have much to do with airing out the “truths” over Frey’s fabrications. The Smoking Gun took care of that one.
Oprah’s indignant bitch slapping of Frey and his editor Nan A. Talese provided a reality check to the publishing world about who really gets people to pick up books—not an ex-frat boy who developed garden-variety problems with drugs and drinking, but Oprah’s recommendation. Frey and Talese showed up maybe out of conscience but more likely because following Oprah’s endorsement the book sold more than 2 million copies and propelled Frey’s second book to the top of the bestseller list. Getting brow beaten and booed with the same spite the Daytime Diva reserves for wife abusers and child molesters James Frey and Nan Talese didn’t dare squander whatever goodwill Oprah might have remaining.
But, ooh. That word.
Throughout Oprah’s crusade to get to the bottom of the Smoking Guns claims, she continued to react with shock at the idea that James Frey’s story isn’t the literal irrefutable truth. Just what did she really expect? Consider the task of remembering every subjective detail and doing that while being drunk and high? We maybe a society of navel gazers but, we do have lives don’t we? Who’s got time for all that recording?
Since Oprah neglected to set aside her ego and take the opportunity to really explore some literary theory we’ll all miss the chance to witness the paradoxical arguments surrounding the author’s intention and various readers’ responses. Book nerd talk, phttp://www.augusten.com/osturing, whatever you want to call it. But, it wouldn’t be Oprah if we delved into topics of cause and effect. No, no. Frey’s ceremony of humiliation had nothing to do with literature. Oprah made someone a lot wealthier, stuck her neck out to defend him, and was made a fool. After all would this be day-time talk show if there wasn’t a confessional opportunity didn’t and the chance for some kind of life-affirming proclamation?
“If I come out of this experience with anything, it’s being a better person and learning from my mistakes and making sure that I don’t repeat them,” Frey claimed, while Oprah looked on satisfied.
But, just how many other authors’ works will be called into question until the hype around this dies down?
Augusten Burroughs we can smell you sweating.
The publishers know that there are a lot more memoirs out there susceptible to these types of claims. Will Oprah question the truth of Elie Wiesel’s memories in her latest book club pick Night?
While that in of itself could become semantic conversation about the nature of truth, audiences are sure to respond with great passion because no matter what both Frey and Wiesel know how to create a great read. And wasn’t that the point in the first place—to get wrapped up in a great story?
Hey, what about the people who cancelled Arrested Development?
January 23rd, 2006 — We're All Okay!
The Fifty Most Loathsome People In America
49. Michelle MalkinCharges: A curious case of racial Stockholm syndrome with a palpable lust for violent ideological oppression and displays of imperial power. Rose to prominence in conservative circles by congratulating white America for its most shameful chapter since slavery, and encouraging a return to form in her book, In Defense of Internment: The Case for “Racial Profiling” in World War II and the War on Terror. Malkin thinks it’s hunky-dory to detain an entire demographic indefinitely if it makes the rest of us feel more comfortable. Her newest, Frenzy, argues that liberals have lost their minds, because they are upset with the direction their country is taking. Her evidence is a carefully collected selection of the dumbest things liberals have ever said, as if she couldn’t have just as easily filled an entire library with the insane ravings of right-wingers. Her accusations of blind hatred and vitriol mimic soul sister Ann Coulter’s classic tactic of psychological projection: whatever Malkin is, she sees in her opponents.
Exhibit A: Internment was so irresponsible that it prompted 40 history professors to sign a letter condemning it.
Sentence: Detained indefinitely without charge and waterboarded hourly for looking at a cop “all slanty-like.”
16. R Kelly
Charges: As if videotaping himself urinating on an underage girl wasn’t bad enough, Kelly decided to follow up by inflicting the worst piece of music in American history upon the public consciousness. Kelly claims he is a genius for squeezing out what are so far 12 installments of his “hip hopera,” “Trapped in the Closet” like so many virtually identical turds, with no variation in musical content and a story line so patently terrible that it soon became the subject of a parody-frenzy involving Saturday Night Live, South Park, Mad TV, Jimmy Kimmel, and the Upright Citizens brigade, among many others. Even his good songs all seem to be about fucking underage girls.
Exhibit A: Seriously—pissing on an underage girl.
Sentence: Trapped in a closet. Eventually dies of thirst.
13. God
Charges: If your answer to the age-old question of God’s existence is “yes,” your next question should be, “Why is he such a dick?” After three major natural disasters, not to mention the eternal constants of famine, war and disease, to believe in God is to believe either that He enjoys fucking with us, or at best has totally lost interest in the whole “people” thing. Never calls anymore.
Exhibit A: Mosquitoes, Ralph Reed.
Sentence: Forever listening to an unending stream of idiotic, mundane prayers uttered by the dumbest, most inarticulate people in His creation.
Here’s a few more nominees worth mentioning:
K-Fed, don’t think you’re getting off that easy. Rafael Palmerio, you managed to embarrass liars and cheaters and everyone who defends baseball. Eva Longoria, one of People’s 50 Most Beautiful and any lists most shallow.
Who else is missing?
Serialized Killers
January 9th, 2006 — Shoot the Messenger
From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:
Serialized television is a curious thing. The writers control where a story begins, but networks usually say when it ends. That’s especially true with a show that’s a hit, whether it’s “The X-Files” or “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” or “Lost.”
Networks want hit shows to stay on as long as possible, even when the original story arcs should have long since come to natural conclusions.“The reality is,” Lindelof says, “that Carlton, myself, J.J. (co-creator J.J. Abrams), the creative brains behind the ‘Lost’ universe, we could all band together and say, ‘We’re ending the show after three seasons because that’s the arc. They get off the island, and we reveal all the things we want to reveal.”And the network would say, ‘No, you won’t.’ They will hire somebody and do ‘Lost,’ with or without you.”
Anybody else holding their breath until Abrams and Co. lose control of Lost and it spills into an unwatchable Alias mess? Never has a show been a better example of the double edge sword that is serialized storytelling.
Consider: first season Alias was a dense, action packed show that couldn’t be missed. Too much happened. There were cliffhangers worthy of waiting with sweaty palms until next week. Audiences were slow to pick up on what they kept hearing from the media was a show that you needed a map to follow.
Second season the status quo got shook up and more people tuned in after the first season finally hit dvd. Third season, the sucking started. Overwrought,melodramatic plot twists start driving away some of the fan base. J.J. Abrams’s sole credit becomes “executive producer”, no longer involving himself with writing or directing duties as he begins working on Lost.Murmuring started about the show getting axed. Fourth season, unwatchable garabage that strayed from large mulitple episode story archs and instead went with stand alone episodes with no tangible story in sight. The series loses it’s style, wit, and character development turning instead to simplicity.
Ratings go through the roof.
Somehow critics overlooked these obvious compromises and praised it while the hardcore audience couldn’t jump ship fast enough.
And now, finally the show will be ending this May. Undoubtably, they’ll find more ways to alienate the remaining fans as they slap together an ending.
My problem (and let’s face it everyone’s) with serialized stuff is too often creators don’t know when to stop.
With comics it’s as evident as anywhere—there are only so many Batman, Superman, Wolverine, Spiderman, X-Men, etc. stories out there even if loyal fans continues to consume anything. A plus with both Dan Clowes and Chris Ware among others is that they take the time to develop one major project before jumping onto another. Thankfully they’re both know for their body of work and are given that time and we don’t have to suffer just have others fill in and flood the shelves with their brand.
We see that happen too much with T.V. Most of the time when creators hand over the reins to someone else while there off developing other projects (Joss Whedon, J.J. Abrahms, Aaron Sorkin) the audience gets stuck with other people’s verison of what a Joss Whedon story would look like. Sure, there are other forces keeping these cash cows going but, the ax never falls soon enough.
While I don’t evny the task of having to content with decades continuity and dealing so many misdirections taken by creative teams who filled in there has to be a point when somebody has the integrity to say enough is enough.
